I think that I simply don't like leaving my future in anyone else's hands. (cept the big J.C. of course).
I just hate that vulnerability that comes with relying on other people. At work, school, whatever, I just don't like for there to be any space for me to get hurt/fail/etc.
Also, I wear my heart on my sleeve. A lot of people do not follow this philosophy. I know this, and yet I'm always surprised when people don't show the same amount of emotion in a situation that I do. The whole notion of playing coy, putting walls up to protect oneself, being pragmatic and unsure... I'll be honest, it hurts my feelings.
Usually when someone acts like this, I turn from wearing my heart on my sleeve to being an extremely defensive, easily provoked butthead. I figure, "Well, if they aren't as honest as I am, I don't have anything to do with them anymore."
I know that's not right, and I know this is all wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. But it's easier, you know? That's kind of my cycle: put in everything I have, all my heart, and if I don't get that in return, than I don't need anybody.
That's pathetic, isn't it?
I hope this makes sense, and if not, that's okay too. It was more a therapeutic rant than any significant moment of story telling.
And here's another picture I took of a place by my school in The Pearl district. It gets this way around the fall:
3 comments:
Oh please that's not pathetic. I'm not into the whole putting-up-walls thing and I really can't deal with people who do that. Why should you have to sacrifice your own sanity by dealing with somebody else's defense mechanism?
It'd be ideal if -nobody- was like that but there are so few people as real. So maybe it's better to have to fight for someone, whether it be in a relationship or a friendship or whatever, because then in the end it might be that much more rewarding.
Or you might realize you've wasted your time fighting for something that isn't worth it.
Now you have me ranting XD
PS nice pic
Hi. You are a completely astonishing person. Maybe all Pisces wear their hearts on their sleeves, because I know I sure do.
I know exactly how you feel. Honestly. I am not just saying that either. I'm a very sentimental person and I think with my heart. My heart does all the speaking. You know, its pretty hurtful when your heart is pumping so much into a situation and the other person's feelings look oblivious to what you are feeling.
I get what you are saying. word for word.
not pathetic at all, I hate having to rely on other people too, but that happened because I learned there a very few people in this world you can trust, and even though I try to be very honest with most things, some say I'm blunt, I have a tendency to put up walls =/ not very big ones, and this may sound cliched, but it's the whole "having gotten hurt in the past." I think it's a defense mechanism, but I greatly admire any one who wears their hear on their sleeve because it's the one thing I still can't do.
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